Priorities

Over the past few months, I discovered that there are many activities one can accomplish while nursing a baby. These include: reading, journaling, texting, phone calls, eating, clipping baby’s fingernails, writing a blog, online shopping, walking around the house, directing dinner preparations and putting on make-up. When little E was small enough to fit fully inside my K’tan carrier, I could nurse while taking a walk, watering plants, mixing cookie batter and more. Now that he's bigger I am actively seeking out a new carrier in order to continue this.

Like many Americans, I tend to feel most successful when my to-do list is complete - until I write the next list, that is. And I love bragging to my husband about how many things I accomplished in a day on top of taking care of the baby! But sometimes my mind becomes so consumed with tasks that I can miss the more important things.

A friend recently told me "there will always be another dish to clean or another load of laundry," and in light of this to make the choice to get outside and enjoy creation instead of always trying to finish the task in front of me. Gradually, I'm learning to re-orient my priorities and learning to put love and laughter on top of the to-do list. My Heavenly Father is inviting me to delight in my everyday moments.

So, when I plan my day, I try to keep my list of essential tasks short and include those things that bring life to my soul - like today's afternoon walk. On some days, I need to schedule my nap into the day! And whether I'm sitting and singing to my baby or bustling about to prepare dinner, I want love to be the goal.

Three months: Wonder and Logistics

Sometimes no matter how much you want to get done, you still don't want to put your baby down. And no matter how much you delight in each new skill, expression, discovery or milestone, you can't get over how quickly he'll outgrow being able to sleep on your chest. It has been one of those days. For the first time this morning, little E slept in his crib for a nap unaided by the familiar bassinet (that I'd placed inside the crib a few days ago for nap practice). And I as watched my growing boy sleep, I celebrated . . . and grieved a little bit too. Chesney's song "Don't Blink" ran through my head. How do I avoid blinking?

It's especially hard to avoid blinking when you are constantly thinking ahead, planning, re-working plans and trying to flex with the ever-changing seasons of your baby's life. This morning as soon as E was sleeping I had to make several decisions: Will I bake my healthy sunbutter cookies? Try to make brownies now for the neighbors? How much time do I have to send a few quick photo texts of E sleeping in the crib? Should I text the rest of my family too? Stop there - reality check. I have to leave the house by 9:15 to make it in time for a group walk with other Mamas - that means E needs to wake up and eat by 8:30 or 8:40 at the latest. So, as it is already 7:55, I need to get my priorities straight: get dressed, eat, finish cleaning the bottles from the pump set (so they have plenty of time to dry) and make sure the diaper bag is stocked. Mission mostly accomplished and oatmeal partway eaten when E started stirring and crying. Then I remembered I needed more wipe spray for my cloth wipes, having completely emptied the bottle this morning. So I ran and grabbed the distilled water and lavender oil and filled the spray bottle, then happily went to pick up my little boy. With him in my arms, I scarfed down several more bites of oatmeal. At 8:39, I sat down to nurse him. Between 9:11 and 9:21 I changed a diaper, ran to the bathroom, gave him a probiotic, fastened him into his car seat, took the wet cloth diapers out of the washer, put diaper bag in the car and finally grabbed the baby and drove off. We made it by 9:35, not the last Mama to arrive for the walk!

We're home again about 11:45 after stopping for gas. E didn't start crying in the car till after the gas station, for which I was grateful. 5 minutes of crying in the car is nothing like 40. Once at home there are a few quick essentials for me: run to the bathroom, drink water, take off shoes. Then he is happily nursing again. And I'm reading Stott's commentary on Romans and trying not to fall asleep - not an easy task after a 3 mile walk pushing the stroller and being up at 6 am! The much needed nap doesn't happen till 2 hours later. By then, I've eaten lunch, put the cloth diaper inserts in the dryer, made brownies and baked my cookies - not to mention playing with E on the mat and making sure he does tummy time. It has taken two bouncing sessions to help E go down for a nap in his crib. I should have about 30 minutes for sure, maybe more. But after 15 minutes, I'm awakened by a screaming baby - perhaps not at ease yet in his crib. He doesn't go back to sleep with bouncing, but falls easily back to sleep while nursing. He stays in a deep and happy sleep on my lap while I type with the computer propped up on my knees. So, that's where he wanted to nap. Close to my heart, just where I like him.

Transitions and Internal Changes

The first morning I awakened on American soil I fell into an old habit. I woke up wondering what I had to accomplish that day - even trying to invent things that I just must do. It seems we find so much meaning in this. But I prayerfully decided against it - decided against feeling a slave to a checklist that will never give me the meaning I seek. Frankly, this is a fight here - a fight against an anxiety that seems to drive this culture, because we haven't well learned to stop and just be with each other - and that words are not always necessary.

God worked many things into my life in Africa that I wish always to retain: a new sense of humility that reminds me I can receive from each person, a settledness of heart and mind in the present moment and a deepened sense of trust and joy in Him as a result of time spent with His family. The list goes on . . . greater appreciation for work and a willingness to work and serve, a high priority on laughter, honest and frank communication with love, seeking God to meet my needs first and foremost and then looking outward, listening well to others and truly treasuring relationships.
So, in the midst of my transition back into this culture, pray God seals what He has done in my heart and life. Transition is a roller-coaster but I know He is with me as He has been and as He will be.

This blog might continue as the journey of life continues . . . thank you to all of you who have been traveling alongside me in prayer for the most recent, incredible chapter in Cote d'Ivoire.

Je suis dans la joie - une joie immense . . . car Yahweh m'a libere.

Relationships

I am not really sure how to write a blog about the many goodbyes I've said in the past few weeks. As hard as they can be, they are also rich. The relationships that developed in the past few months indeed changed my life.

Halfway through my time, I took some time to personally reflect on various questions - a way to assess where I'd come from and where I was going. One of the questions on the list was "what is your exit strategy?" At first I found this question almost repulsive. In the past year, God has been removing my checklist mentality that so often steals from joy and being present in the moments with people. In bringing this question before Him, I delighted to hear His heart was for me to invest more intentionally in relationships - continuing to pursue time with people and pursuing their hearts as well. What a blessing that was.

So, I learned to look for changes in relationships - as small as they may be. Day by day they can change and grow and people change as a result. We change how we think and act because of time spent together. And it is indeed rich.

A matter of life and death

Knowing Jesus is a matter of life and death in every sense.

Djiakis' father was a prosperous man with 35 hectares of land. The villagers became jealous, feeling that he would become rich and leave them behind. So, they hired a sorcerer from another village to kill him. The sorcerer came to their town, spent one night there and then left. Shortly thereafter, Djiakis' father became ill and died. He had no protection against the power wielded by the sorcerer.

One Thursday afternoon, Mamy and I went with Djiakis for a balafon lesson. Arriving in the church courtyard, we discovered no one was there to open the main building, so we sat down to wait and chat outside. After a while, a tall man joined us. Though showing signs of aging, he was obviously still strong. We greeted him and made sure he had a place to sit. At first, the introduction was brief and he sat quietly as we continued our conversation listening to Mamy share a miraculous story of how God protected her father (a pastor in Congo) from an attempt on his life by another pastor. Djiakis translated the story into Jula for our guest.

Then, he told us his story. He lives in a village near Korhogo (about an hour from Ferke). His uncle is the chief of the village, but because of age is unable to perform his duties. So, this man is the acting chief. The village depends on him in this role. He is Muslim and has 4 wives and 12 children. His younger sister is a member of a sorcery group. She ate a man on "credit." (In other words, someone else killed him.) But, she had an obligation to pay them back a life for a life. So, she chose to kill her brother. All the village knew of this. Another member of her sorcery group came to speak with this man. The sorcerer told him to go to a church in Ferke and believe in Jesus - the only way he would save his life. So, the man hopped on his motorcycle and arrived at the church to do just that - to make the most important decision of his life. Before we parted ways, we prayed for him. Pray for him to have a sincere faith in Jesus - not just to save his life for the moment on earth. And for the entire village upon which he will have an impact.

Snapshots

There are so many facets of life here that I couldn't begin to capture all of them. But I'd like to ramble a little bit with several snapshots of life that I have experienced, particularly in the context of the hospital.

After our weekend conference on child evangelism taught by Kathy (from Gladstone First Baptist), I shared the wordless book with Momi's house helper, Fatu. She listened well and we continued to talk about Jesus a few days later after playing Frisbee. Fatu is 13 and grew up in a Muslim family. She lives with her mother who has some physical difficulties, so in the evenings when she goes home she works at home. They can't afford to pay for school, so she works. And she enjoys it - says she sleeps better when she's worked all day. Her work is to help with cleaning, cooking and care of Rosa.
Today is Rosa's birthday - she is 2 and we will be celebrating with a big meal that includes popcorn, salad, cake, garlic bread with scrambled eggs inside and bisap (sugary cherry-like juice made from boiled leaves/flowers). Yum!
Yesterday I was working in the maternity building as well as with the premature twin girls (we are the only hospital in the north that does premies). Two moms were soon to be in labor with sad outcomes (one baby is dead and the other would likely die soon after birth), but then there was the mother on her 6th pregnancy and whose labor we augmented with Pitocin. The fourth 15-minute blood pressure check we discovered the baby was crowning! While the other nurse ran to get a wheelchair to take her to the labor room, I ran and grabbed gloves and caught the baby! So, when the nurse came back I sent her running again to grab a suction bulb, though thankfully the baby was breathing okay on his own. They returned, we dried off the baby and got him suctioned a little bit and I cut the cord! Second delivery - and rather unexpected! A big 3 kg boy!
On the other side of life, I see a lot of death here. Tried to resuscitate a baby brought in after a difficult (and poorly handled) delivery at the town hospital; he initially came back but the second time he just would not breathe on his own. It was hard to say goodbye to that one considering he had been my primary charge all morning long. Another man arrived in the ICU, where I often work, and lived about 10 minutes longer with a team of us at his side before his heart stopped. Nothing we could do. A 15 year old Type 1 diabetic spent several days with us as we tried to regulate his blood sugars. The family can't afford the insulin all the time. Earlier this week I heard he had died at home. A hospital employee just died a few weeks ago on Easter Sunday from a heart problem, leaving a young pregnant wife with 3 other kids. Sadly, widows have almost no rights here and her brother-in-law has already moved into her house, forcing her to move in with her father for the time being. Wives never quite belong to the families they marry into, so when their husbands die the family of the man can take everything but the household supplies and may even take the children.
On a very happy note, we had a baby nicknamed Lazarus who had been declared dead and then decided to start breathing again! As the RN Daniel said to me, it is the month for resurrections! He is now with his mother after spending a few days in ICU alongside two other newborns who were also discharged.
One day this week I brought a cake for the nursing staff. As it turned out, they were preparing lunch together that day in their break room to celebrate a 55th birthday. So, when not doing patient care, they were chopping vegetables, rinsing and sorting through rice, making a sauce . . . a very happy morning.
Cooking here is a blast - I love cooking with my friend Momi and am learning some Congolese dishes. I have also learned how to make yogurt and often eat yogurt with the mangoes that are literally falling off the trees here.
On the comical side of things, the cat dragged in a fruit bat this morning around 5:30 am and killed it. We removed it before he was able to chomp down much . . .
Our experience with voleurs (thieves) here is not at all uncommon. I've heard many stories since, especially from females who were alone. When the electricity is out, one gal told me she still gets nervous, even with a dog that they bought for security. There have been nights this week when the electricity was out most of the night in town. We are blessed with a generator here at the hospital (in desperate need of replacement) that gives us electricity most of the time.
One nurse had to lecture a patient's sister the other day who was so discouraged that she wanted to leave her sister alone here (the sister has had about 7 surgeries and a wound evisceration, etc - has been here for weeks on end). Thankfully, the sister stayed (the nurse told her she had better be there the next day when she arrived). Families are so necessary to patients here - they cook for them, do the laundary, help wash them and give them medications by mouth. Pray for this gal and her sister - things are hard for them. The woman's husband left her when she got sick.
The nurses are quite a team and really work together to help each other. They are joyful and the days are often full of laughter.

More pictures!

Nurses I work with who attended a Child Evangelism training today

Momi and I!

Cheri and I with a rain tree!